Am I glad I’m a woman?

I just read a blog by John Scalzi called WHATEVER still running against the wind. For yesterday’s post he responded to a reader asking him why he enjoys being a man and what he envies about women. I was very impressed by his answer. Now, I have to say, he uses “language” that some may find offensive so if you go to his blog from this link, be prepared if you’re not used to cursing. What I enjoyed most was his answer.

When he responded he made it very clear that he is more than glad to be a man. His greatest reasoning behind comfort with his “manness” was that no one cares about his body or what he does to it. He makes the argument that being white, heterosexual male is one of the easiest jobs there are. He doesn’t have to work harder to be paid better, nobody cares how he dresses or how much clothing he has on his body and nobody cares about his sex life, how much he is having or how he responds to the consequences of his having had sex. Interesting concept. I hadn’t really thought in those terms.

As I’ve listened to the members of Congress carry on about women’s reproductive systems and whether or not women should be “having so much sex” that they need contraceptives, it didn’t occur to me to question their integrity with regard to their own sexual behavior. No matter what the situation, the onus always tends to fall on the shoulders of the female in the relationship to ensure an unwanted pregnancy doesn’t occur. 

Rick Santorum’s billionaire, Foster Friess, recently said that in his day women used aspirin as a contraceptive. They held it between their knees. At the time I wasn’t overly offended about his statement because, as a woman, I’ve grown accustomed to hearing men speak in this manner. If I hear that statement today, however, I would wonder why it wasn’t the man who was required to hold the aspirin between his knees. Why always the woman?

And with the continued argument over whether or not an insurance company should be compelled to provide contraceptives for women without a co-pay I haven’t hesitated to think about the question as to why they shouldn’t, since they provide Viagra and Cialis free of charge. If it is proper for men to have a pill provided for them so that they can have hours of sex, why is it wrong to provide women the antidote to becoming pregnant?

In Arizona they have proposed a new law that Governor Jan Brewer intends to sign allowing employers to require a note from the woman’s doctor or an explanation from the woman as to why she needs to have contraceptives provided to her by their insurance company. Have you ever heard of a man having to explain anything of this nature to his employer?  This whole ridiculous matter has gone too far.

Several months ago I tried an experiment. I had been posting on comment boards under the name Bobbi with a female avatar. Whenever I posted in this manner my comments were met with vile, and at times vulgar, replies from men and women. The comments were unimaginably disrespectful and demeaning to me as a woman from both sexes who replied. After several weeks I began posting comments as Bob and changed the avatar to a neutral one. Suddenly I was brilliant. I still had angry posts from other men and some women but they were much more respectful than what I had received in the past. It wasn’t that I changed the way I posted or the words I would use. All remained the same and yet I was more respected by others, especially those who agreed with me. I have to say I haven’t returned to the female avatar.

From time to time I’ll have a person who vehemently disagrees with me, go to my profile and see that I am a woman after all. Strangely enough, they are taken aback that they’ve been arguing with a woman as if she was a man. I’m surprised at their sudden respect they hadn’t shown when I was overtly female or covertly neuter, assumed to be male. It proved to me that there are instant assumptions made when a person sees who is posting, their particular gender, rather than what is being said. Once the man is sure he’s met his match in another Alpha-male he gives the respect that is deserved while finding a way to sink their teeth into the jugular. And, even after they have learned I’m not the Alpha-male, the respect of a warrior in battle remains once they learn they were bested by a ‘girl’. I can only laugh.

Regardless of the lack of respect I receive as being a member of the ‘weaker sex,’ I am a woman and I enjoy being a woman. I’m tired of men being concerned about what I do with my body and I’m tired of my opinion being minimized because I don’t have as much testosterone as they. Yet, I enjoy being capable of thinking like a man while still enjoying the perks I’ve had in my life, of the ability to carry a baby inside of me. I also enjoy the good fight to try and bring a greater awareness to those who are still hung up on women asking for permission to use their bodies as it was meant to be used, and for the ability drop the aspirin from between our knees and tell the man it’s his turn.